OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
