I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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