I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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