I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A bitchslap is in order.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
