I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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