Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
