I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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