She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
