The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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