so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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