so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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