why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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