Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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