I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
