I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Farmville is her only friend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
