I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
