You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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