Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
