I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
