I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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