The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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