No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
