i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
