everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
