u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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