After last night, I could never be a politician.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
