Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
