And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
