I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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