so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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