On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
