1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
