Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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