He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
