you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
