Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
