tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
