how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize