when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
