Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
