Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You left your underwear on the fireplace
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
