I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
