Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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