Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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