i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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