an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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