tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
