now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
