ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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