The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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