I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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