Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
