I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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