she was so not down for the gang bang
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
