I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
