My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
