Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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