I hate all girls vehemently.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
3pm strippers are depressing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
