He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
