Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
