And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
