Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
