Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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