i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize