all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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