"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
