I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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