I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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