just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm always down for nudity.
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