I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
