so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
