it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
