just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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