it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
