i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
