I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
