There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
