She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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