he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
