I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's gonorrhea incarnate
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize