He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
