New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
