Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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