i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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