There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
