you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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