You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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